Have you ever suffered from misunderstanding with another person because of miscommunication? Instead of having peace and harmony in relationships, many of us are guilty of not communicating clearly, which often resulted in frustrations and anger, and worst of all loss of relationships.
For me, I found myself often sandwiched between two parties who are not communicating well, and they each come to me to express their anger, complaining about the other party’s unreasonable behaviours.
This week alone, I received two phone calls from two such persons. In my old self, I would make judgement and react along, but I have long discovered that such judgmental reaction of mine would not be of much help to such situations.
Instead, I decided to take a ‘new approach’. I am grateful and happy that these situations were handled with positive outcomes as they arose out of mere miscommunications by the parties concerned.
Putting Aside My Judgmental Mind
Above The Cloud
As I believe life is for learning and improvement, I shall share here some of my experiences in my ‘new approach’, for such approach has given me more successes in helping others.
First thing I did was to learn from my past mistakes and make changes to my way of helping others. I am more self-aware, and try to be less reactive, as I put aside my way of seeing situations with a judgmental mind.
This allows me to open my heart and mind to listen clearly and wisely, rather than jumping to conclusions.
A Glimpse Of My New Approach
These are some of the things I try to practise, and perhaps you may like to try and see if they work for you:
Spot The Rainbow After A Storm
1. Do not deny the person of his/her feelings, let him/her express;
2. Do not jump into taking sides or offering your opinion immediately, listen first;
3. Acknowledge that it is an issue that needs to be addressed, without judgement;
4. No need to struggle for solutions you might not have, just ask open-ended questions to help clarify;
5. Let the situation cool down, circle back again to close loop with some paraphrasing of what you have heard and understood; then perhaps your opinions and advices if given will make more sense to the person;
6. If you know both parties, help to mitigate by bringing the different perspectives together, for mutual clarity and understanding.
Sometimes, the help needed is merely our listening ears. Other times, they may need some fresh perspectives and advices. How I help in situations like that depend again and again on my sincere effort to help wisely. There is no use making situations worse with careless help.
Lyn 🌻😊
Great article, thank you Lyn. Thinking through what you said helps me see how to shift my mindset to deal with problems ….a lot of life’s issues are not solved effectively because of lack of good communication….
Indeed, communication is so key to a harmonious relationship but it is often crowded with too much pent up emotions. Thank you for your point about need to shift mindset.
Great article ! I agree. Sometimes, people just need our listening ears. We should first listen and not judge, take sides or jump into offering our opinion.
Thank you ! And yes, I constantly remind myself to pause, take a deep breath and listen.
Great advise, communication is key!
So true! Gotta remember to take back and breath 🙂 and listen. Esp w my mother 🙂
Hi Geri, I like your “breathing” part, I find it very effective too to help me “pause” and listen
Thanks Dennis and spot on !
Just want to echo what you said. “Listen with an open mind and heart + creativity and perhaps also and a little humor” . These attitudes make conversations meaningful and enjoyable.
Thanks Maria ! I like your added comments on creativity and humour , will certainly remind myself to practise this as well !
Thanks for sharing Lyn. Got me to rethink and evaluate the default approach I tend to take in situations like this.
Hi Lina, I made a many mistakes along the way and find these practises helpful, hope they work for you .
Lyn,
The article share wise advices. Thank you.
Spring
Thank you Spring !
Great article! Disruption from the norm is scary and causes conflict but it often inspires creativity and then there’s always the outside perspective. Once we start start empathizing, we would naturally transition into a good listener
“ Everyone we meet is fighting a battle we know nothing about. Be kind. Always” – Brad Meltzer
Thank you NS and the added insights ! Yes practising kindness help us see fresh perspectives that may not always be obvious.
This is good! Thanks for the reminder…
Thank you Dan ! Happy practising
I am trying to apply some of the approaches with my kids – to listen more, don’t try to solve the problem, rather guide towards a solution, and always be supportive. Thanks, Lyn
Thanks for your sharing, great practice !
Thank you for the great advice Lyn! I think that’s why God gave us 2 eyes, 2 ears but only 1 mouth! To see things clearly and to listen intently. And speak only when needed. 🙂
Indeed Viv, appreciate your added insights !
So true but not easy to build that muscle. Needs time but can be done and still learning…
Indeed it’s not easy… a life long journey.
I really like your analogy on muscle building
Hi Lyn fully agree. Miscommunication can cause conflict, create tension and lead to misunderstanding especially between two parties when information was not communicated as desired. Well said. To avoid miscommunication, we need to be a good listener, be clear and concise in our instructions, stop assuming, think before u speak and ask questions if not sure.