When heartfelt kindness needs wisdom… A year ago, I started my Twitter account with the following pinned tweet :
“Kindness can be as simple as just being there and listening. Little act of kindness can go a long way without you realising. No need to react to everything you have heard or seen, no need to rush into giving advice which may not be needed… “
In the last one year, this pinned tweet has served as my constant reminder as I learn to practise kindness and cultivate it with the purest intent.
Kindness is an important human character trait that can bring much comfort and peace to both ourselves and those around us, but it can also be a very misunderstood characteristic if it is not exercised with wisdom.
Heartfelt Kindness Needs Wisdom
A year on since I penned that tweet, I cannot say for sure if I am kinder but I believe I am a little wiser.
Truthfully, there were times when I had my doubts…was I being unkind or am I simply getting wiser to do the right thing. My kindness has been put to test so many times, especially in times of crisis with the current Covid situation that has led to more issues and uncertainties. Some of my learnings :
Kindness can be as simple as just being there and listening
- It would be harder to extend care and concern when we do not understand what matters most to the other person. Simply being there and listening to one who needs help can be in itself a very powerful act of kindness already, positive impact for both the giver and recipient.
- But what if same issues keep repeating themselves ? Should one continue to be nice to keep listening and do nothing else about it or should one step up with courage to confront the issues and deal with it squarely.
No need to react to everything you have heard or seen
- Sometimes, what we saw or heard could be just a piece of an elephant and we might not have the full picture. Reacting to them could risk jumping into the wrong judgement or conclusion and ending up hurting someone.
- But what if you are truly concerned that the situation did not seem right or have doubts if the person is heading the right way ? To care enough is to step up with courage to clarify for better understanding with empathy and have a honest conversation.
Little act of kindness can go a long way
- A simple smile and hello to welcome someone; a simple generosity and offer to pay for a meal; a simple car hitch ride to someone in need; a simple thank you; a simple sorry; etc.. it is indeed that simple and this can be enough to make someone’s day !
- But what if it is not that simple…your pride; your arrogance; your selfishness; they are all making it hard for you to even get started ? Are you even aware ? First, be kind to yourself and get started by spending time with yourself to self-reflect.
Experience makes one wiser and practise makes it better. It is not a straight forward journey to cultivate a good heart that has the ability to express one’s true feelings with compassion.
Well, the journey can be an easy one or a difficult one, it all boils down to our attitude and actions. Wherever you are in your journey, may you enjoy and always be well and happy !
Lyn 🌻😊
Lyn,
Kindness consists of many ‘hits and misses’. It is not easy to do the right reaction. As long as oneself walks away not feeling lousy after listening without giving opinion or advice or giving opinion or advice. If one is in doubt, never mind, take it as learning to achieve wisdom. A good heart has no level as to me a good heart is a good heart. Enjoy your journey to wisdom. Your blog has always teased my thoughts. Goodnight from England. Springxx
Absolutely agree Spring, we all will have our many “hits and misses” experiences… and it can only make us wiser 🙂 thank you so much Spring for sharing your insights. Yes, there is no right level for good heart, each of us will evolve and grow differently in our life journey, great point. I am also so thrilled to know that my blog has always teased your thoughts !
Interesting read. Do we make decision or responding to others using our head or our heart. To be kind is to care for others, whatever make sense. To react or not react. Thanks for sharing, Lyn!
Well said Jimmy, most importantly is to express our care for others. Our attitude and actions can always be adjusted according to the circumstances. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts !
Lyn,
Really love this one ! “… was I been unkind or was I simply getting wiser to do the right things ….”. It is so profound. lot of meaning in it ….. as in different situation to different people it mean different things. Make me reflect hard on some situation I was in b4. Just like silence can sometime be the most powerful response. I ranked this blog the #1 among all the 15 so far. Looking forward to one that will topple this 🙂
Awe Dan, thank you so much for your deep insights and kind comments. I am so encouraged and grateful that you resonated so well with the points and could relate them with your personal experience as well. Your thoughts has brought forth a fresh perspective “different situation different people mean different things”.. this is interesting for me and I hope for my other readers as well.
Thanks Lyn for bringing up this topic which I resonated well with what you have written. Just some thoughts from my experience: Kindness is both simple and complex. May be a well-meaning gesture to show we care, we are concerned, we want to listen, we want to help ………. but such innocent act of kindness can be abused or taken advantage of by the other party, inviting unnecessary problems to ourselves.
Kindness is also both easy and difficult. When one has gone through umpteen times of bad experiences, starts to question if it pays to be kind, one goes on to a whole new level of wisdom, looking at kindness and practising it in a different way. In life, there’s no specific definition of what is viewed as right, what is considered as wrong. We owe it to ourselves to take good care of ourselves, to protect ourselves before we could help others.
Awe Bee Eng, thank you so much for sharing your experience, deep insights and thoughts. Indeed we are all at different stages of our life journey with different experiences and to some, kindness is easy and to others difficult. I completely resonant with your point that in life, there is no absolute right or wrong. It is our experiential learning that makes us wiser and teach us how to practise kindness that can truly care for ourselves and others. May you be well and happy always.
Time flies, it’s been a year and I have benefitted from many of your blog postings. Thank you for sharing your kindness.
Thank you so much Viv for your kind comments. I am very grateful for my blog and it brings me so much joy to know that my simple sharing can benefit you and my readers.
Thank you Lyn for this very thought-provoking article! Such timely post for self reflection as we come close to end of 2021. I believe kindness is human nature (人之初性本善) but the expression of kindness is hugely affected by one’s experience, life phases and encounters. It’s also a balancing act between helping others and self protection. Nonetheless, let’s begin each day with a grateful heart and end each day with kindness. Stay safe, stay healthy and stay happy. Cheers!
Hi Judy, really appreciate your deep insights and thoughtful comments. I particularly can relate to your point how our expressions of kindness can be hugely impact by our life journey and experiences. May you be safe, heathy and happy always !
Yes Kindness needs wisdom
Tks for the reminder
Without wisdom
My stupid kindness can make me a Fool
Tks for sharing
We all go through that journey in our life and there is much we can learn from one another. I am so grateful to you and to many of my other readers who have kindly shared their insightful thoughts as well. Thank you Siew Lee !