What is the meaning of expectations ? Is expectations normal ?
“I expect him to stop drinking tea, he should drink coffee instead, it is much nicer… I am upset that he did not stop drinking tea, why is he not listening? I feel hurt.” Is this expectation normal ?
How often do you have expectations that want others to do things your way and then you get disappointed or hurt that your expectations are not met ? When they cannot do something your way, most important is are you prepared to do it another way or their way instead of insisting on your way ?
Is Expectation Normal ?
I had experienced and witnessed so many situations in which this argument of “Why should I meet up with your expectations ? Why should I be the way you want me to be? Why can’t you change to the way I want you to be.” Then this becomes a constant source of conflict based on this belief system that ‘expectation is normal’ and it has to be “my way”.
How can you expect them to be who you want them to be ? Imagine even twins born of the same parents and growing up in the same environment are not exactly the same. So it is normal for people to like different things, to have different perspectives and exhibit different capabilities. Yes people can change but it is very difficult and they will not change just based on expectations.
Pause and think if your expectation is normal…
Acceptance Is Normal
Yes, we are all entitled to have expectations but that does not mean it will all be met. Ironically, the closer the relationships, the longer is the list of expectations as we will start to have expectations on even the most trivial things. So when expectations are not met, you might feel hurt or rejected.
“It is perfectly ok that I do not like what you like. Why insist for us to be the same?” If you keep insisting on your way is right and my is wrong, conflict will happen. Why can’t both be right ? We are just simply different. Insisting on one’s way is radiating disrespect and would face rejection.
I am slowly adjusting my expectations and shifting towards more “acceptance is normal”. So instead of saying “I Expect You..” or “I love you”, try saying “I accept you…” instead.
Lyn 🌻😊
Interesting & definitely something not what I have put my thoughts through.
Time to pause and chew over this.
Thanks for sharing
My pleasure Dennis, sometimes the most obvious may not be that obvious unless we pause and think. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts.
Hahaha, good subject. I doubt I ever expect someone to act in my way, otherwise I will not be unique. I do expect someone to follow law and order, and to respect someone’s domestic request/s..e.g. in my home, rinse the wash hand basin after one uses, in order the next person will receive a clean basin. And, ensure the WC is cleaned after one uses it. I would expect my requests to my guests to be met. They are not unreasonable expectation.
Yes, absolutely normal to have expectations, everything is a balance … thanks for sharing your experience Spring.
Everyone is different and have different life experiences. I guess the secret to maintain a long term relationship is none, but acceptance.
Agreed SKL, less expectations and more acceptance can bridge the differences immediately. Thank you for sharing !
The last paragraph is true indeed..!! Example: most of the married couples will see 50% of their habits move towards partners interest. The remaining 50% will be their original interest. This will be part of normal behaviour over time and expectations become acceptation in life to be happy…!
Indeed, its all about balance and adjustments. Thank you Bp for sharing your thoughts.
My favourite part on what you mentioned: “Why can’t both be right ? We are just simply different.” LOVELY!!! Thanks for enchoing. Everyone is entitled to his/her personal views/opinions/expectations and all of us should respect that. Basic human rights.
We sometimes get into a comfort zone of familiarity and take for granted those closest to us that we overdrive on our expectations without even being aware.. good reminder that everyone is entitled to be different! Thank you for your valuable comment Bee Eng !